Couples In Counseling: Whatever You Do — Do This

The relationship healing process is many faceted.

It takes time.

A couple moves through spaces, stages, and ups and downs while growing.  Some stages feel great.  You feel hopeful and positive, and it’s clear you’re making progress.

Other relationship growth stages are not so pretty.  Not so great looking.  Things are falling apart.  Undoing.  Stretching at the seams.  Unraveling.  There is pressure, separation, breaking, opening. 

Just think about flowers.  They look so many different ways while they are growing.  And this is encouraging:  flowers spend a lot of time without a beautiful blossom. 

Remember that a blossom  was once closed tight, like a heart or a mind.  Both are beautiful when they blossom.

Another way to look at the relationship healing process?  It’s similar to healing from surgery or an illness. Not all days feel like progress.

Some days, a wound itches. Some days it hurts.  Some days the dressing needs to be changed.  You clean it up, put on a new band-aid, and wait patiently.

On other healing days, you want to throw in the towel. Watch TV until you feel better. Get out of town.  Ride a bucking bronco,  go dancing, or play a wild game of tennis just to let it all out.  Whatever.

Let your relationship healing process move to and fro. That’s what it’s going to do anyway.

Sometimes, it’s two steps forward, one step back.

It’s a dance.

Don’t let all the movement confuse you, discourage you, or cause you to feel invalidated.

As your relationship moves through changes, do your best not to come to conclusions.  Hold pretty much everything that’s going on in suspension.  Just observe.  Notice.

It’s important to know this ahead of time so that you don’t get discouraged or feel like you’re off track. If you know this is bound to happen, you can remind yourself in the middle of it, “Oh, I remember I’m supposed to expect this fluctuation. This is normal. This is natural.”

That way, you don’t get jerked around by the process.

For instance, it’s easy to think, “Wow, we’re in love again! How nice is that!!!”

Or “I really can’t stand what’s going on right now. I want out. This is never going to change.”

Or “I’ve had it, that’s it. Can’t deal with this anymore. We’re done. It’s over.”

Hang in there.  You’ll go through many changes, big and small.  It’s OK.  It’s natural.  It’s what will happen.

And the good new is, you’ll end up right where you’re supposed to be.

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IN CARE OF RELATIONSHIPS  with Terri Crosby– Tools For Creating Positive Momentum.  https://incareofrelationships.com

Terri Crosby is a relationship mentor.  She helps you create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love.  Terri offers change-of-heart, change-of-mind perspectives to create GREAT relationships.   If you are ready to take your relationship to the next level, you can sign up to be on her mailing list here.  You can also subscribe to this blog and receive the weekly post.