A Simple Way To Be More of YOU
Some days I think it would be nice if all of us humans could be a little more angelic, and well, more enlightened. We’d accept whatever was in front of us without blinking an eye, and do every daily task with a smile on our face as if it was truly, honestly, right down to our toes OK.
And other days I think, naaaaaah.
Because…. the stuff you do and don’t do, what you prefer, and what you downright love — this is what makes you you.
So, yes — heck yes — there are things I do and things I don’t do. Things you do and don’t do. You know what I mean?
Maybe you “don’t do mornings.” Everybody knows you’re a tad crabby, or quiet and unresponsive before noon or so. Or you are a “leave me alone until I’ve had my morning coffee” person.
On the other hand, you could be a person who wakes up ready for the day. Your most productive, happy, creative time of day is before other people get out of bed.
What’s On Your “Not” List?
So… there are things you do, and things you don’t do. There are things you prefer.
This is a good thing. It doesn’t mean you’re inflexible and awful. It means you know yourself and you know what makes life more fun for you. You could even say this is one reason we all came here, to experience the available variety, the buffet of life, and then sort it out for ourselves, and celebrate “our way” of doing life.
One thing I don’t do — I don’t mow lawns. I don’t know know why. I’ve managed to avoid mowing all of my life, and if you think about where I’m from and how I grew up — it’s a darn miracle. In my home state of Iowa where the tall corn grows, people are always mowing — miles of ditches, b-i-g farmhouse lawns, fields of hay (acres and acres), and the (huge) Quaker Meeting House lawn.
I don’t consciously try to avoid mowing. And I don’t refuse to mow — I just somehow never have to. I’ve watched a lot of other people mow. It’s really quite magical.
When I was visiting Iowa just recently, two sisters mowed a neighbor’s lawn until 10 pm and yes, the lawnmower had headlights. Their story was that the grass was so tall, they had to empty the bag about every minute. That was a lot of mowing. It took them five hours, but they got it done.
I thought to myself, ” Wow, I would never do that. You couldn’t pay me enough to do that. You’d never find me mowing, let alone until 10 pm, and be happy about it.” What I loved about their story was that the power-mower-girls felt positively victorious! They loved the challenge, they had fun, and they mentioned that they felt they were a really good team.
Growing up with 5 siblings, someone else (who liked to mow) always volunteered. I was glad.
However, I raised my hand to do other things.
My mother taught me how to bake bread for the family, seven loaves at a time. She also taught me how to make (our personal) standard family farm meals like beef liver and onions with mashed potatoes, Sunday chicken pot pie, and meatloaf with (you guessed it) more mashed potatoes. We ate a whole lot of potatoes growing up.
My volunteering to cook was a really welcomed thing in my big family! First, I was clearly busy while the question about mowing was happening. As in, gee she is busy, I guess the rest of you have to figure out who is going to mow.
Second, I was good at cooking and I liked it.
And third, being the family chef worked especially well for my mother who was doggone weary of cooking for such a growing family. She loved whenever I threw down my garden hoe and headed for the kitchen. At a certain point in high school, meals for 6 kids and my father and whoever else was around appeared on the table. I did it for her. It was natural, pretty easy, and I enjoyed finding new recipes.
So… there are things you do and things you don’t do.
Are you “being yourself” in this way? Are you doing what you want to do, and letting others step up to do the rest?
Or are you resentful about doing what you “have to” do? Do you push through it, or make yourself miserable doing a task, just because you tell yourself there is no one else to do it? Or you should do it? Or that it’s just easier if you do it?
Clean it up.
This being “true-to-yourself-about-what-you-have-to-offer-or-what-you-like-to-do” is one of the best maintenance practices I know of for nurturing your happy self and keeping a happy relationship with a partner alive and thriving.
Do what you want to do and then find a way for someone else to do the things you can’t do or don’t want to do. Delegate the things that drag you down. Attract someone to do what you dread. The very thing that causes you a heavy heart is another person’s passion.
Ahhh…now that’s WAY better!
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In Care of Relationships with Terri Crosby– Tools For Creating Positive Momentum. https://incareofrelationships.com. Terri is a relationship mentor. She helps create life-affirming, ever-evolving, happier relationships with those you love. She offers change-of-heart, change-of-mind perspectives to create great relationships. If you are ready to take your relationship to the next level, you can sign up to be on the mailing list HERE. To subscribe to her blog, go HERE.
consulting, counseling, couples, In Care of Relationships, intimate relationships, Quaker, relationship, Terri Crosby, therapy
Amen, sister! Having a housekeeper twice a month is the most nurturing thing I can do for myself. I will forego mani/pedis and new clothes if my budget would require giving up Annabella to have them…
Yes, do what you love and attract people who can do what they do best…
I don’t cook and I don’t want to learn. So, I will happily eat whatever my husband can manage or find take-out. It’s always been gratifying to say clearly to everyone in my life, “I don’t cook.” My mother would have loved to say that. She’s 90 and just now going into assisted living where she will not have to cook. I’m so happy for her. Think of all those meals she really didn’t enjoy preparing. I feel gratitude for not having to fake it all these years. It’s a good way to live. Thanks for voicing this, Terri.