44 Entertaining And Enlightening Answers To My Relationship Question

Written by Terri Crosby for In Care of Relationships

Ask And You Shall Receive!

Not too long ago, I wrote an email to somewhere around 300 women, and asked the question — “If you were going to go hear a talk on Relationships (of any kind), what might it be called?”

Wow, did I get ANSWERS!   When the answers began to pour in, I felt like jumping up and down like the happiest girl in town.  I love hearing from women.  I like knowing what’s on your minds.

What I gathered from the answers:

• Women think about the quality of their relationships — and we think about them deeply and from every conceivable angle.
• Women want better relationships.  With everyone.  All the time.  We’re all about relationships and connecting.  We want relationships to go smoothly!
• The variety of types of improvement that women want in relationships is staggering.  Endless.  Fabulous.
• How to create a successful and satisfying relationship with a man is a bit of a mystery to many women, sometimes not in a good way.
• And finally!  If you have a question, ask a woman!  She’ll answer you!

Drum Roll Please!

Here, for your entertainment and enlightenment, are 44 of the 63 answers I received.

1. Please talk to us about “What we say, what they hear… “
2. How not to react like a terrier dog when a man withdraws. (Yes, you read that right.)
3. Sorry, I can’t help you, Terri. I have no idea.
4. How to meet good quality single men after age 60.
5. Please tell me how to be interested again!
6. How to learn non-confrontational confrontation or “criticism” to avoid defensiveness on the other party’s part.
7. Healthy boundaries.
8. Book Learnin’ Won’t Help With . . . .
9. How to communicate with a man!!
10. Relationships without Expectations
11. I would want to hear about how our present day relationship dynamics have been molded and shaped by our parental relationships and how to overcome any negative influences.
12. Relationships go through so many changes, how does one accommodate them and continue to be strong? This coming from a person who has been divorced 3 times and has been on her own since 2003. 🙂
13. My interest would be “navigating the difficult places in relationships” or something like that…
14. It might be called, “The Ebb and Flow of Relationships.” I’ve always heard that relationships are hard. They’re also warm, like a cozy blanket. They can zing with excitement and they can be as common as bread. Persistently hanging on through the ebb and flow takes faith …sometimes more than we think we have, but if we are patient and steadfast, the ride is so well worth it. It’s about human love, which is unlike any other.
15. How do I stay in a relationship and not lose myself??
16. How to be a good partner and how to think I am worth being loved
17. Understanding causes, not symptoms.
18. How to Vibe and Thrive
19. Hard work! That would be my name for Relationships!  Relationships – Any One Worth Having Is Worth Working For!
20. I Wish I’d Known . . . .
21. Being the partner of someone with ADHD is a real challenge…The key is to talk, talk, talk. Don’t let things fester.
22. Since my interest falls in the area of Buddhist teachings, I would want to hear a talk that addresses transcending the ego in relationships.
23. Being true to yourself in relationship.
24. I am super busy this week so I’ll write if something comes to me.  (one sentences later she writes…) How to listen and find common ground when you disagree!
25. Because I am not currently in an intimate relationship and because I don’t currently live near any family members, the topic doesn’t really resonate for me right now.  Thus no particular aspect about relationships is front-burner for me at the moment.  Maybe that will change in the future, who knows! Mainly my journey of late has been about finding contentment in solitary-ness 🙂
26. Oye! Why are men from Mars and Women from Venus?  I’d like to say to men — “Please be honest with me… please say, ‘I don’t like you’ or ‘I like you’ or ‘I love you.'”  Why is that SO DIFFICULT to say?
27. Love even after the honeymoon.
28. Being single and childless in a family of couples. How to fit into the family that is preoccupied with going out together as couples.  I don’t fit in.  They don’t realize how it hurts.
29. How ‘bout “Get Along Little Doggies?”
30. Navigating Relationships.
31. Understanding human nature.
32. Compromise:  How not to control or be controlled.
33. How to navigate our own emotions and the emotions of others.
34. Practical advice on managing the ups and downs of all sorts of relationships (work, family, partnership).
35. Understanding the vast differences in our genders and personality types, attachment styles, etc.  Creating understanding and compassion for ourselves and others
36. Relationships that Nourish, Relationships that Satisfy, Constructive Relationships
37. You can’t change “who” or “how” person is – what you see is what you get…
38. How to stay as objective as possible… putting yourself in someone else’s shoes…
39. Loving unconditionally – looking at the “conditions” you put on the relationship.
40. Commitment:  What does that mean?!
41. How To Play Well with Others.  The Art of Love.
42. You Said What!?
43. The concept that the relationship with yourself is primary and a good indicator of how you will relate to another person.
44. Are you really ready to have a relationship that works?

And this is why I LOVE working with women!  Working with women is work that doesn’t feel like work.

I love all the ways that we are.  I love the variety, the smarts, the flexibility of women.

I love that some women answered my question, some didn’t.  And some answer, but they are just making a point instead.  But they take the time to say something, even if it’s not a direct answer.  It still matters to me.

Some said they would answer later, but haven’t yet.   Some remembered to write back and tell me their answer.  Some said they were glad I was asking, and they didn’t know the answer, but wanted to know what other women said.

And because a number of you asked me directly to share the answers, and let me know what I decided to do with your answers, you are the inspiration for this writing!

Thanks, dear women.  I take my hat off to you, I thank you, I appreciate you.  Thank you for responding so generously.  I will be announcing SOON about what I decided to do as a result of your answers.  I think you’re going to like it!

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About Terri Crosby — I live in the Blue Ridge Mountains with Eric, my partner of 14 years, two cats and a dog, and as many flowers and vegetables as I can plant.

It is my experience that children are born to teach (remind) parents, not the other way around.   I’ve learned more from my daughter MacKenzie than from all other humans combined.

I’m in favor of wandering time in the morning, listening to the birds calling to each other in the woods all around me.

Making fresh food is one of life’s big yummy pleasures, along with singing – especially creating heavenly, improvisational, prayerful, meditational sound.

I believe that poet Mary Oliver writes the best bedtime stories available on Earth.

For more information about In Care of Relationships, click here.