What Happened When I Called The Divorce Lawyer
Kimberly Graham was really happy to talk with me. In addition to being a collaborative divorce lawyer, she is a certified family law mediator who promotes mediation, cooperation, and keeping families in communication. She also does pre-divorce consulting with anyone, anywhere in the world via phone or Skype. Her law firm is Graham Law Collaborative.
Kimberly can help anyone understand the options for the divorce process. The right choice of attorney or mediator and the right process can save people thousands (or tens of thousands) of dollars in their divorce. Part of her service, for instance, is being on speaker phone as you interview divorce attorneys. She asks questions you don’t even know you should ask.
Kimberly is like the friend you take with you to the doctor, to ask questions and take notes. Because you’re all bleary-eyed about your own health, it’s wise to have someone there with you who is not personally involved and who is (understandably) thinking way straighter than you are. This friend is someone who is present, awake and aware to help keep you on track and get the help you need.
That’s what Kimberly does for people who need help getting divorced.
We opened our conversation by exploring ideas, and wondering aloud about working in tandem in some creative, helpful and satisfying way.
I wondered about being of assistance to divorced people by helping them be successful in future relationships and helping them find love again. I told her briefly of how I had done that for myself.
So the questions on the discussion table were:
“How could a Divorce Lawyer and a Relationship Mentor help recently divorced people start over and be more successful in love the next time around?”
And: “How could we help divorce be a better experience — less stressful, and more loving?”
And: “How could divorce be avoided altogether?” Maybe some folks who start the divorce process don’t really need to call it quits. Maybe we could help them recover the relationship and grow in love.
Yep, big questions…
We talked, learned about each other, and brainstormed.
We mentioned the issue of how we might help someone, even if they didn’t realize they might need assistance after the divorce.
There is so much we don’t know when we’ve just cut ties with another in an attempt to start out fresh. The mentality after divorce is often, “This is great. I just got rid of my problem. Now I can go on with my life. Everything will work out now, because my problem is gone.”
But it’s often untrue.
(Sigh… yes, I have experience with this!)
A light bulb went on in both of us. She paused. I paused. The collective, collaborative wheels were turning.
Then she said, “Do you know the divorce stats for 2nd and 3rd marriages are higher than first marriages?” She hadn’t looked up the numbers in a while, but she knew that 2nd and 3rd divorce rates were actually significantly higher, not just a point or two higher.
So I went a-googling and found that 1st marriages have the divorce rate that everybody’s aware of — about 50%.
But second marriages have a whopping 67% divorce rate, and third marriages are even less successful — 3rd marriages have a 73% divorce rate.
But you know what? I shouldn’t be surprised.
I’ve been divorced three times and for a while, I became the poster child for things not working out well the 2nd or 3rd time around.
Kimberly has been divorced twice. She’s now in an 8 year relationship, and things are going well.
I never realized until my conversation with Kimberly, that failed 2nd and 3rd marriage stats were higher than first divorces. Maybe members of that “failed 2nd or 3rd divorce” category just try not to think about it. We plow blindly into the next relationship (with leftover emotions or extra determination) or give up altogether.
But as you may know, things changed for me. I turned my next partnership around at the five year mark after it began to fall apart just like all the others. I learned. I grew. I changed. I did things differently and it worked beautifully. It wasn’t difficult, but it did require an entirely different focus, orientation and thought process, which I found to be a great relief. It was easier, more joyful, and made me happier. Much happier! Which is what I wanted in the first place! Perhaps Kimberly and I can encourage others with a similar relationship track record do the same thing.
Are you part of this 2nd or 3rd marriage statistic or do you know anyone who is? I’d love to speak with you or someone you know to gather more information. Yes, we are in the research phase! And we would love to assist people contemplating divorce or separation for the first time, too.
Thank you for forwarding this article to anyone in this situation who might be interested in speaking with us. Kimberly and I both appreciate it! And so will our future clients.
About Terri Crosby — I live in the Blue Ridge Mountains with Eric, my partner of 15 years, two cats and a dog, and as many flowers and vegetables as I can plant. I love really good food, good friends, good relationships!
2nd and 3rd marriages, collaboration, divorce, divorce rate, divorce statistics, Graham Law Collaborative, In Care of Relationships, Kimberly Graham, lawyer, mediation, relationship, relationships, second and third marriages, successful relationships, Terri Crosby