How Do I Learn To Inspire Instead of Criticize?
If I treat myself well, treating others with love comes naturally. If I spend time doing what keeps me inspired and happy, it’s easier to support others in doing the same. It’s natural.
Why? Because radiating kindness inspires anyone who comes near. When others walk into your loving sphere of influence, they feel your emotional sunshine!
We’ve all had the experience of being with someone who speaks or sings with such kindness that we feel it immediately. Their words create a wave of love, which washed over us and through us, scooping up any tension and sending it right out of us as the wave passes through. If we were upset as we walked in, the wave generated by the other person softens us and bathes our cells in happy soup. Their wave says, “Come on in, the water’s fine.”
This happy cleansing also means that you, too, can do this anytime, anywhere. No special equipment required.
THE PRACTICALITIES
How do I criticize less and become more able to inspire others? If I do feel critical, how do I get over it and learn to do something else? What steps can I practice?
Give authentic positive feedback before asking someone for a different result than they are now producing. People are willing to risk changing themselves in an environment of approval, and they learn more quickly. The easy way to remember this idea is to say “Yes, and…” Approve first (say yes), then add (and here’s what I’m asking for).
Make a feedback sandwich for others (and remember to make one for yourself, too, when you need it.) The bread on either side of the filling is what’s going well (the good stuff), and the filling is what needs a tweak. The sandwich is 1) say good stuff. 2) Say what would work better. Make a request 3) Say more good stuff — why you have faith in them, what you love or appreciate about them. The sandwich idea can work with spouses, employees, children, and yourself.
Be the change you seek. If you have a generously positive attitude about yourself, it often makes people laugh. It leaves them in wonder, “that’s outrageous, how does she do that?!?” People are both amazed and encouraged if you make a giant goof and you don’t take it seriously. It means they don’t need to feel bad, either, which is a relief.
Or let’s say something you designed went belly up and you shake it off and start again while telling a joke. Any of your “take it in stride” actions inspires them to let go of criticism of themselves. Most of us are looking for reasons to be nicer to ourselves, and we don’t really know how or even think we should! Being an example helps others remember.
Liz Preyer
Another perfect piece and the imagery of the sandwich is great! I can hold onto that….
Now when is your book coming out? Asks this eager fan…..
Terri Crosby
Thanks, Liz! I will let you know the publish date for my book as soon as I know it! Thanks for asking. I’ll keep you posted. I’ve sent some sample chapters to a possible editor, and I hope she says yes!
shiner
The sandwich is such a fun analogy!
Terri Crosby
You know me and good food!!