Don’t Try So Hard To Have A Great Relationship

Mac in the tree
MacKenzie Crosby Being Herself

One morning, I had a few minutes to wait in the doctor’s office before my blood test. For something to do, I looked at my phone and noticed that my daughter MacKenzie had tagged me on Facebook. She sent me an article by Mark Manson (author, thinker, life enthusiast). What MacKenzie sends is always interesting, so I clicked on it.

Here’s the link for the blog, but be forewarned that it’s impressively adorned with profanity. Don’t go anywhere near this writer if you’re offended by such.

(The author published a bestseller book this month with a 4-letter word, yes ma’am, in the title itself, so apparently he sprinkles swear words like salt and pepper.)

Because he’s rough around the edges, but in your face funny, I recommend him in small doses, especially if you’re in the mood for a kick in the pants.

Apparently, I was in the mood.

This blog of his made me laugh in the Doc’s office, you know where it’s quiet and people say nothing as they thumb through Better Homes and Gardens or stare aimlessly off into space. 

The waiting room was full of old people. They were so old that not one of them was looking at a smart phone. They were not emailing or texting or checking their messages. They were sitting, waiting patiently for their turn. Imagine that.

So there I was, where it’s somber and medical and serious, and I’m the odd one out, helplessly entertained by what’s on my smart phone. It reminded me of being in Quaker Meeting with my brothers and sisters long ago, when my brother would do something funny and the rest of us learned to practice deep breathing so we didn’t get in trouble.

I looked up every once in a while to see if anyone was disturbed or upset with me breaking the silence. But nope. They were pretending it wasn’t happening, you know, like Quakers waiting on word from the Lord. I have no clue how they managed this, but there you go. Such admirable focus! 

The author’s style was hilarious, and so was the contrast between what I was reading and where I was sitting. His words were so true that it sent me right over the edge in the best way possible. He’s a writer that can call you stupid right to your face and you think it’s the best joke ever.


Mark’s article makes the case that your passion is always boldly, blatantly right in front of you, if you remember how you were naturally as a kid.   He says, “A child does not walk onto a playground and say to herself, ‘How do I find fun?’ She just goes and has fun.”

He makes the case that that’s exactly how you find your passion. You go and do what’s fun to you, and there it is! 

According to Mark, “If you’re passionate about something, it will already feel like such an ingrained part of your life that you will have to be reminded by people that it’s not normal, that other people aren’t like that.”

When you dive into something and forget time? That’s it, that’s your passion. Maybe you’re good at wandering and exploring. It’s something you could build a life on, don’t you think?

Maybe you enjoy tinkering with recipes. Look how these women turned their tinkering into an epic lifestyle with thriving families and quite the loyal following:  Manger with Mimi Thorissen. Medoc, France.     Smitten Kitchen with Deb Perelman. New York City, NY.


So here’s what I think. I think you find a great relationship the same way that Mark says you find your passion. You do what you do, be who you are, and BAM! Your playmate shows up. (What’s NOT like you doesn’t find you and play with you, only what’s like you finds you — naturally!) You end up on the same playground with your playmate — playing! And you say hello! And then arrange for another play date!

Isn’t that simple pie?

If you’re in a relationship, you improve it the same way. You do what you do and be who you are. You’ll have bonus fun with your playmate where your fun intersects.  You know — have fun, express yo-self, and life has a way of working out.

Now go be yourself and have some fun.

Deb Perelman, In Care of Relationships, MacKenzie Crosby, Manger, Mark Manson, Mimi Thorissen, Smitten Kitchen, Terri Crosby

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