Daughters Who Call Their Mothers

My 26 yr. old daughter MacKenzie called me this morning on her way to work and opened the conversation with one of her happy bombs.

She didn’t say hello or good morning.

She said, “Isn’t it great that I’m the kind of daughter who calls her mother?”

We laughed so hard!

It’s so like her to blurt self-congratulations to get us going!  

She continued (her smile visible through the phone), “You know, not every daughter calls her mother… I have 15 minutes on the way to work, and I’m spending it with you. Aren’t you grateful and in awe that I’m such a great daughter?”

…which made me so happy. I adore her sense of humor (always a blast of fresh air) and her knock ’em sock ’em approach to  — well, anything.

I said, “Well, I have a secret. I think if I don’t say anything at all and pretend that you calling me voluntarily and happily is no big deal, then hopefully you’ll continue calling!”

She thought that was hilariously silly and that bringing these deep, dark secrets between us out in the open was her mission in life. I told her that letting the cat out of the bag was not a good idea at all (I was sure of it) ’cause then she could hold me hostage with her love — she could withhold calling for any reason and then where would I be?

Three generations: Terri, Mildred, MacKenzie.


We went on and on about the importance of secrets and denial and pretending. And what would I do if she didn’t call me? (I’d call her.) And how life is about the small moments and conversations can be short and sweet.

And how sometimes we don’t call someone because it will take too long, but really we just need to say “Hi, just thinking about you, I love you and bye-bye for now.”

I love that Mackenzie and I can say pretty much anything and everything to each other. I love that she calls me from her car with a love hammer. Or a question. Or “I don’t have any big reason for calling, I’m just calling…”

I also love how she won’t tell me certain things on the phone.

One day, she and her husband John came over to tell me some news in person. They stood together, eyes shining and announced that they’ve had enough of “tiny little ho-hum no diversity not enough opportunity” Asheville for a while and they’re running off to the big city.  They’ve decided to move to northern California (probably this summer) and she wanted me to know. There are job opportunities for John in this far off land and they want to take advantage of that.

Which made me cry. Of course. Because I’m the person I am and I love having her near. Not because I don’t think they should go find work elsewhere or have an adventure.

They should GO. They should DO EVERYTHING. That’s what being footloose and fancy free is all about. They should live someplace I’d love to visit!


MacKenzie ends every conversation with “Love you.” I have to say, that’s not something I did before she started doing it. She taught me.

How is your relationship with your daughter? Or your mother? Are you talking? Are you close? What’s the best thing about talking with her?

Go ahead. Pick up the phone.

daughters, In Care of Relationships, love, mother daughter relationships, mothers, secrets, Terri Crosby

Comments (3)

  • Cat and I seem to know when to hold ’em and know when to fold ’em. After 29 years on this planet, I think the world is a better place because she is in it. I found it interesting that you showed hands. When Cat was born (at home) one of the first things I noticed about her, after her irresistible smell, was her fingernails. They were perfect in every way. Now she is very fastidious about her nails. Today they are red on the thumb and first three fingers. The pinkies are gold! I will try to send a photo of my latest painting. I painted it on Valentine’s Day. Her hands are everywhere in it, along with the obligatory hearts. What are we doing sitting at our computers right now? Harness the dong and let’s hit the trail!

    • Hey, dear gal of Iowa neighbors these many years back, and soooo good to catch u on FB with my on and off ways! We old ladies are somethin’ for sure. Ha! Tell that mom of yours a belated Happy Birthday and she is a marvel of a human in my thinking! She had an evnveyable garden, fun kids, and good Quaker stock folks near my new marriage first years in Iowa as a grown farm gal. We had new babies ( my 5were then) she had one or two new ones and those years were some of my favorite ones in life. Keep up your great work Terri and yes we love our daughters, here there and on the phone and everywhere! Barb g. ( the old one from dale township in Iowa! )

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