SUMMER SHORTS: Get Out There. Try Stuff.
In my younger years, I thought trouble in a relationship meant something was wrong. I thought having problems with each other was not good.
If I had known that when the seas of my partnership looked rough, it was a sign I was being invited to grow, change, and evolve, that would have helped me. I could have at least donned rain gear in preparation for squalls and high waves.
If I had realized that difficulties are natural and necessary in growing, evolving relationships, perhaps I could have remembered to hang in there, go easier on myself, be more hopeful, keep the faith.
This is what most couples don’t know, not really, not in their bones: challenges help you. They are good for you.
Here’s a poem from my book 100 Words: Small Servings of Whimsy and Wisdom To Calm The Mind And Nourish The Heart which captures this idea.
THE SCOOP ON TRUE PARTNERSHIP
by Terri Crosby
Why bother to save a marriage on the rocks?
Perhaps it would be smarter to start over.
Get something shiny and new, like with shoes or a car.
Why be in a relationship? Do you know why anyone
gets together with another to create a joined life?
One answer rules: We think it will make us happy.
But often it doesn’t.
What if marriage is about rising up to become
your best you? If true, this intent is not accomplished in
idyllic circumstances. One must be questioned, opposed, challenged.
Now isn’t that partner of yours helping more than you thought?
This doesn’t mean that you should weather years or even days of storms if it doesn’t feel right. Besides, if you don’t unravel an issue in this relationship, you’ll take it with you and it will surface somehow, somewhere in the next situation. You can count on it. Maybe working it out with a different person will be easier, too, and moving on is a good and helpful thing.
But many years later, this I know for sure: no relationship vessel will become seaworthy, docked with nothing to do but pine at the beautiful night moon.
Your vessel thrives on adventure because the spirit of the vessel is bigger than little ol’ you. It longs to sail out of the harbor of sunshine and sameness into an ocean with other vessels and new weather patterns, where you’ll most likely encounter storms and sea creatures.
Don’t be so timid. Get out there and see what the two of you are made of.
If you find yourself in choppy waters, it doesn’t mean your relationship is not working, or that it will never work. It doesn’t mean you took a wrong turn or that you’re at fault for not checking the map.
It means there’s an invitation.
There’s an invitation to learn the ropes, to learn to sail together, which you’ve noticed by now is radically, monumentally, most certainly different than sailing through life by yourself.
It also means that there’s something that could use adjustment. What is it? I found that if I tried to sail in choppy waters as the same ol’ person I always was, it didn’t work.
Choppy waters meant learning new skills — for me. Experience with a partner on the high seas is an invitation to know yourself in ways you would never discover otherwise. You’ll appreciate the sea legs you begin to develop.
By the way, it can be a good idea to call the Coastguard cutter in a storm (reach out for help when necessary) to get you home safely.
As the songs says, “If you need me, call me. I’ll be there in a hurry.” To explore the idea of getting help from me, go to http://www.incareofrelationships.com/apply-for-our-consultation-program/ for more information.
Blessings on your journey!
(PLEASE NOTE: In no way am I encouraging anyone anywhere at any time for any reason whatsoever to stay in an abusive situation. Don’t think twice. Get out. Go immediately to your local shelter, or call friends who will help you leave safely. It wouldn’t be a bad idea if one of those friends was 8 feet tall, a bouncer and Martial arts master with rippling muscles and ancient wisdom combined. The point is — do whatever it takes to leave and be safe. You’ll figure out the rest of the details later. Get out. Get help.)