The Downside of Over-the-Top Sexual Attraction
(Note: to view the video version of this blog, click on the link
just above my signature at the end of this article.)
Have you ever been so intensely attracted to someone that you felt physically uncomfortable?
Most of us have experienced this. Being so-o-o-o attracted puts us in a dither—we are unable to think straight or express ourselves easily.
Of course, we all want to feel a spark when we meet a potential mate! But when the attraction is over the moon (it’s too much), that’s a different story. There’s a downside to extreme physical attraction. Here is some information that will help you sort things out.
What Is Physical Attraction?
Sexual attraction is physical, which means we’re drawn to a person physically—not to their mind, their heart, or their soul. Sexual attraction is sizzling in the moment but leaves us wanting and hungry for more. We feel insatiable.
The day after a hot encounter, we can’t concentrate. We’re obsessed with thoughts running in the background about seeing the person again. Will they call? When will we spend time together next? Our chemistry is hungry for more—for smell, skin, and body parts. We’re literally out of our mind and will move heaven and earth to satisfy our hunger!
Where Did My Confidence Go?
If there’s uncertainty about another rendezvous, we feel mild to severe nausea and anxiety. We check our phone, email, Instagram. What are they doing? Who are they talking to? Where are they? Our mind chatter centers around “why aren’t they talking to me?”
We feel clingy, needy, and insecure. Being dependent is no fun. In this state, we need constant reassurance. Our ability to be calm and rational is temporarily out the window. We’re also focused on ourselves—we’re moody and inconsolable. Thinking that something might be wrong with us, we google our symptoms and read about attachment or anxiety disorders. We wonder if we’re broken. And if we are, what’s the fix?
You’re not the only one who overspends time and money to get the attention of someone you’ve gone gaga over. Humans do this. Trust me, it’s a thing.
We agree to meet again even though it’s a push in our schedule. When our personal need for well-being fades in favor of overdoing, extra stress, or making risky choices, we notice we’re making unwise decisions. We wonder why we’re sacrificing our integrity or our good judgment. We question ourselves. Our natural confidence wanes.
And we get hurt. Following the heat of an intensely feverish sexual experience, there’s often not much to say. The getting-dressed part can feel superficial or awkward, and the departure clumsy. It’s difficult to tell someone (or be told) essentially to “please leave now, I’m done with you.” As we walk away, we ache. We’re hooked on the rush of hormones, but it doesn’t feel entirely good. “Why is that?” we wonder. We make mental excuses for our behavior or theirs.
There are clear reasons for all of this.
Sexual attraction is based on chemistry. There are powerful hormones at work. Chemistry assures that humans will continue to procreate. You can’t buck this. It’s built in. Chemistry guarantees survival of the species.
The effects of too much attraction can’t be improved through talking, or through being determined not to let the animal attraction affect you. It will affect you each and every time.
Can the Relationship Grow?
The short answer is no. A relationship built on chemistry will never be kind, considerate, or filled with compassion.
Why is this?
Intense desire caused by excessive attraction awakens the primal aspects of us. Sexual attraction is fun and delightful, but when it dominates, the relationship will not grow into a truly loving one. It can’t. Super-high sexual chemistry isn’t made for that.
While extreme physical attraction might seem tempting, it is not yummy or deeply satisfying in the long run. It doesn’t bring out the best of you or your partner.
The solution? While it’s probably not the answer you were hoping to hear, the cure is to stop sleeping with a person with whom you have an extraordinarily high level of sexual attraction. Back out. Take a breath. Release yourself.
Find someone you can be friends with and have great sex as well.
You’ll be glad you did.
PS The video version of this blog is available on my weekly show “Intimate Relationships: What If Nobody’s Wrong?” on Win-Win Women. Choose the video called “The Downside of Extreme Sexual Attraction.” (It goes live 9-30-22.)
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Part One: Does Anyone Need Fixing?
Part Two: Getting Along with the Opposite Sex
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