What to Do When You’re Single and Waiting for Love

Have you ever had a blank wall in your home that seemed to nag at you? It felt too empty? It was waiting for something?

My friend and photographer Jim Vanderheyden re-frames this bare wall issue perfectly. He says don’t treat a blank wall as a decorating problem, but rather as a creative prompt.

This perspective changes everything.

Being single—if you’d prefer to have a partner—holds potential, but can also create pressure. Have you noticed that? There’s room in our life for someone, but no one has shown up yet.

Instead of tension, despair, or impatience, what if we could experience open space or a vacancy as an invitation?

Here are three ideas from Jim that work well for an empty wall, but they also apply to waiting for love.

Three Suggestions

1. Jim says: Treat a blank wall like a pause. Not every wall needs to be busy. One thoughtful piece can speak volumes.

My translation: A pause is not the end of the story. It’s a quiet and private moment, like putting a bookmark in a book. There’s more to come when you’re ready.

Today doesn’t need to involve a desperate search on dating apps. Instead, practice what you love most about connecting with others in every relationship you encounter. Be intentional with the barista, the neighbor, the friend you call. Be exquisitely aware of nature’s beauty on your walk today. Use this pause to expand your capacity for connection and powerful presence.

Try this: Notice one meaningful exchange you have with someone each day this week. A smile, a kind word, a real conversation. Let it count.

2. Jim says: Build from a feeling, not a plan. Don’t start with color or measurements—start with the feeling or mood you want the room to hold.

My translation: Don’t start with a list of qualities your partner should offer you. Ask yourself what feelings or experiences you want in your partnership. Harmony, laughter, safety, intimacy? Instead of creating a checklist of partner traits, let the feelings you most desire guide you.

Try this: Journal about your top favorite feelings (safety? joy? connection?) and reflect: “When or where do I already feel this in my life? How can I have more of this?”

3. Jim says: Let the art lead the room. Find the art first, and let it guide everything else in that space.

My translation: Let what you treasure most lead you. Hold close what you’re learning about yourself as you expand your ability to connect and be present. Imagine what you want to experience in your relationship. Let all of that guide your choices about what you say yes to, who you spend time with, and what you pursue.

Try this: This week, notice where you feel most alive or at peace. Follow that energy.

My Journey

These suggestions sound simple, but they are powerful.

I did these three things personally, every one of them, for four years while in a relationship that was a struggle. Even though I wasn’t alone, I often felt alone. Even though I wasn’t single, much of the time I felt single. I was waiting for love.

If something happened that broke my heart, I Iet my heart break open. I took long looks at my heartache. Where was I already hurting, and he pointed it out? Where was I reactive? What a gift to know where my reaction lived in me! What about ancestral and karmic influences? Was there a bigger picture I hadn’t included? Check out “It Didn’t Start with You” by Mark Wolynn.

Sometimes, I felt disappointment in myself for not being able to influence the relationship in a positive way. After all, I’m a relationship coach. Shouldn’t I be able to make it work? I looked at the roots of that belief, too, and asked myself, what’s mine to do here?

We broke up and got back together several times. When I felt wounded or stumped, I took matters to my mentors and focused on healing it.

I’ve heard it said that those we don’t get along with or see eye-to-eye with are our best teachers. That was certainly true for me. For sure, a relationship with hard lessons offers a PhD in relationships!

Graduation Time

Once that relationship was complete, we went our separate ways. It was time to graduate and move on. Instead of being broken and resentful, I was clearer and stronger. Tough experiences have the capacity to polish our rough edges. Open our hearts. Bring us home to who we are.

Now there was a blank canvas before me.

Jim says: “Blank doesn’t mean boring. It means open. And open is a beautiful place to begin.”

Yes, yes, yes!

Not long after, I found a partner who effortlessly provides what I hoped for—and more. Much more. I’ve known him as an acquaintance for nine years. Lucky for both of us, he already had plans to move to Asheville where I live.

So if you’re alone, or in a struggle with someone, don’t give up hope. Instead, pay attention—to your stuff, not your partner’s. Trouble in relationships is never about our partner. Learn as fast as you can, and leave the moment you’re ready to fly free.

Let me know if I can help you with your love journey. I work with both individuals and couples.

Blessings to you, and thanks for reading. As always, feel free to share this with those you love,