Most of us were brought up to think that in a conflict, the end goal is resolution. Resolution means the conf lict is over. It implies that the opposing positions or perspectives still exist, but the parties have compromised and a peace treaty has been signed. My preference around solving conf licts is different from resolution. Dissolving an issue means that opposing perspectives wash away like sand after a wave. There is no lingering, resigned sense of “Okay, we’re not in conflict any more,but I still think my position was valid.” To dissolve a situation so cleanly that it’s as if the difficulty never occurred requires a profound commitment to “what if nobody’s wrong.” Forgiveness becomes unnecessary, because what was thought to have happened didn’t. To begin, we say: This is what occurred. (State facts only.) Then we ask: Given that nobody’s wrong, how shall we dissolve this? We play with options and consider points of view that bless both people.
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North Carolina, USA