Most of us were brought up to think that in a conflict, the end goal is resolution. Resolution means the conf lict is over. It implies that the opposing positions or perspectives still exist, but the parties have compromised and a peace treaty has been signed. My preference around solving conf licts is different from resolution. Dissolving an issue means that opposing perspectives wash away like sand after a wave. There is no lingering, resigned sense of “Okay, we’re not in conflict any more,but I still think my position was valid.” To dissolve a situation so cleanly that it’s as if the difficulty never occurred requires a profound commitment to “what if nobody’s wrong.” Forgiveness becomes unnecessary, because what was thought to have happened didn’t. To begin, we say: This is what occurred. (State facts only.) Then we ask: Given that nobody’s wrong, how shall we dissolve this? We play with options and consider points of view that bless both people.
Subscribe to our mailing list to get news, updates, event invitations, and special offers from Terri to help keep you inspired and engaged in your relationships. We will never share or sell your information to outside entities.